Fraize Dotcom

If you know where that quote came from, you win +1 Rob Reiner points.

Hai, Intarwebs! It’s me, Fraize – though you may hardly recognize me since I’ve been so absent from the blogosphere. I blame Twitter. No, really – I do! I’ve found I get my blogging yayas out by hitting my Twitter page and microblogging there, so I don’t visit the old Fraize Dotcom very often at all.

I could write several incredibly long posts about the recent goings on, but instead, I’ll just keep to a modified Twitter theme, and post some bullet-point versions of my last few weeks.

• After Sarah’s wedding, Heather and I decided to use the same place, St. John’s Episcopal Church in Centreville, as the backdrop for our wedding and reception. It’s pretty, close by everybody, and very easy going and nice people there.
• I headed up to New York City for a few days for the New York Gift Fair – a convention of people showing off their stuff in hopes the mighty ThinkGeek will buy some of it.
• While I was there, I met with the supercool and hipster-thick Buglabs. Their outreach manager took me on a tour and showed me where the magic happens.
• After that meet and greet, I headed off to NYC Resistor, a colony of hackers, and got introduced into a fascinating world of art hacks and fun mechanical and electronic projects. It was inspirational! Now I want to join the DC area version, HacDC, and make my own Reprap!
• I was supposed to stay until Wednesday, but crappy weather forced me to sneak home a day early. I avoided the ice storm with about a half hour to spare.
• I’ve been playing with Windows 7 lately, and I really really like it.
• Our gas furnace, which had been leaking gas lately, got a brand new solenoid valve. Of course, being brand new didn’t make it free from defects, so that unit also leaks gas. No heat in the house but that which glows from our collection of electronics. Ambient house temp: 69 degrees.

Weekends are for recharging, and rebuilding. The work-week takes a lot out of me. Spreadsheets, emails, writing copy, recording and editing videos, finding and buying new stuff, calling vendors to coordinate shipments, planning overseas deliveries… Such a varied collection of things that happen at work makes it so I have a hard time letting go when the whistle blows.

I end up sitting at home, thinking about what had gone on during the day – what I missed, what still needed attention, what I would have to do tomorrow, and what I could do so that tomorrow will be easier. I work 8 hours, then come home and work a few more. There aren’t a lot of hours in the day left for me to do anything new.

That’s what weekends do for me. They let me dedicate several hours to my projects. Yesterday, I dedicated several hours to some .NET code I’ve been thinking about. Today, I pulled out a few cookbooks and baked me some buttermilk biscuits.

Nick Malgieri’s Buttermilk Biscuit recipe is pretty simple. 2.5 C Flour, 6 Tbsp. butter, 1/2 tsp salt, 1 C buttermilk, 2.5 tsp baking powder, and 1 tsp. baking soda. Cut the butter into the flour. Mix the rest, roll, cut, bake at 500 for 10 minutes. I made a bit of a mess, like I usually do when I try a new recipe for the first time. I couldn’t find the round biscuit cutter, but I did find a heart-shaped cookie-cutter. That did fine. I cut them, put them on parchment in a baking pan, and threw them in. It was when I was cleaning all the bowls and spoons that I realized I forgot the salt. Such a stupid rookie mistake!

I think the oven ran a little hot because the biscuits browned before they were completely done. I took them out, and they smelled and looked great! The flake was what I was expecting, though they were slightly too moist in the center. A little cherry preserves, and a sprinkle of kosher salt on top, and they were serviceable. Heather liked them, enough.

Seriously – what are you thinking, lady?

I’m sitting in Panera, trying to enjoy my Turkey chili, and the lady just across the way from where I’m sitting is having a very loud conversation on the phone about her child’s lower-gastro-intestinal issues. Every detail, from the consistency of the kid’s stools, to the bloody discharge thereof.

Really, are you talking about this in a GODDAMN RESTAURANT?

Let’s forget for a moment that you take a phone call in the restaurant. I make it a point to remove myself from people trying to have a nice quiet time. Eating in a restaurant should be a singularly private thing. I don’t care to enjoy your conversation if I’m trying to have one of my own. But, to have one so LOUDLY about something so disgusting and graphic is just beyond the pale.

Where do people learn that this is okay? Are they just oblivious to their surroundings, or is it more sinister than that? Is it that they’ve made the decision that they just don’t care? I really think we’re getting more and more insular about everything. We’ve made the decision that you only have yourself to worry about – manners, courtesy and civility are out the window.

Maybe this is how it happens? Someone like me sees the callous nature of their fellow human beings, and decides it’s time to give up being nice to people ’cause nobody is nice to them. It’s a damned shame.

My parents are, as I type, winging back from New Zealand. There they, undoubtedly, scurried around some Hobbit holes, charged through the Mark in Rohan, and stood at the gates of Mordor itself. Well, at least they were supposed to see the Shire. We’ll see how much of the rest they were able to do.

Heather and I decided we needed a bit of a break, so we’re packing up the car and driving down to Williamsburg to go hang with the tri-corn hat types. The weather is supposed to be unhelpful, but that’s okay. Some of our favorite things to do include indoor activities. Coffee shops! Wait, what did you think I meant?

I also just got confirmation that I’ll be going to San Diego in July for work. I’ll be bringing Heather to that sunny and mild city, too! Yay! I love to travel. I just hate travelling.

Everybody gets sick from time to time – it’s only natural. You can be Jack-frickin’-LeLane, and still get sick. Still, ever since I moved back to DC, I seem to get sick very very often. It could be a function of several things. 

First and probably foremost, I’ve gained weight. A lot of weight. When I left Austin, I was tipping the scales at 179. I was really happy there, but my middle was still a teeny bit jiggly. I had been as heavy as 206, so 27 pounds was a huge deal for me.
Moving back, the biggest difference in my lifestyle was my job. I had a 45 minute to an hour commute, each way, which limited the amount of time I was able to spend in the gym. It wasn’t much time, but it made the difference between an almost entirely sedentary lifestyle vs a mildly active lifestyle. Plus, my old coworkers and friends were very supportive when it came to the social side of eating. When we got together, we ate well, but we ate healthily.
Now, my friends and coworkers love to overindulge. Often, someone brings cookies or cupcakes into the office, and when I’m having a stressful day, which happens quite often lately, I get all snacky. That’s bad. That, coupled with two hours on the road every day cutting into my workout time, means I ingest more than I work off. So, now I’m about 198.

So that’s my weight problem in two paragraphs. 

Secondly, where I work is, to put it mildly, filthy. We have about 20 people in our little space, and because we manage returns in our office, it tends to get junked up with broken gadgets, flattened boxes, dust and packing peanuts. We’re always so busy, we really don’t have a lot of time to clean it up. Because lots of boxes of stuff from all corners of the globe move through here, and gets handled, we’re always picking up whatever bug gets smeared onto the boxes. If the killer bird flu ever burned through the USA, I’m certain we’d be a lovely little petri dish for the DC area. 

About three days ago, I started noticing our Photographer, and our lead programmer started hacking up a lung. I was certain I was about to get nailed by some kinda SARS. Last night, I started to get a little scratchy throat. This morning, I woke up with a painful hacking cough, aches and congestion. 

So, is it exposure to additional virii? Is it a weakened immune system that stems from overall poor physical health? Is it both? Either way, I feel like poo, and am loving my chair right now.

Hi peoples! I saw and engaged the lizard-slash-male part of my hindbrain and watched the Superbowl. I liveblogged my reactions, mostly to the commercials. Click below to read my rather lengthy recounting of the evening.

6:30 PM – First commercial – the guy from Dirty Jobs talking about the Ford F-150’s tow hooks by attaching the truck to a giant centrifuge. Neat if boring.

6:36 – Bud Light Breathing Fire. Funny! Even the ability to breathe fire won’t make me want to drink that shit. Which reminds me – I’ve got a Samuel Adams in the fridge…
6:36:30 – Audi R8 – Ah, the old Horsehead in the bed gag. That’s not the same guy from The Godfather, is it?

Giants 3, Pats 0.

6:45 – What is Love? Diet Pepsi Max – Poor, LL… How I missed you in the smart-shark movie.
6:46 – Salesgenie.com – oh, are we back to the terrible Dotcom commercials? Where’s the sock-puppet advertising Pets.com?

6:48 – Bud Light cheese-party. Guys are dumb.
6:49 – Under Armor – I love their underwear. They’re making shoes now? The guy giving the speech could have been Lawrence Fishburne screaming at Zion in The Matrix.

6:59 – Bridgestone – Squirrels are funny.
6:59:30 – Doritos – Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. Two million dollar music video. Gosh, I hope they make a return on their investment. They won’t.
7:00 – Local Commercial – Maryland Lottery – “Pull my finger.” Why would you pull it? Why?

Giants 3, Pats 7. Well, that didn’t take long.

7:03 – Wanted. Oh, I want to see this movie.
7:03:30 – Gatorade G2 – Meh. Totally uninteresting.
7:04 – GoDaddy.com – Bet you GoDaddy.com is about to get hammered.
7:04:30 – Did that cop just tap that dude’s ass? ’cause of his Dell? Are we retarded? Also, can we just be done with all the (RED) shit now, please?

7:05 – FedEx – Giant pidgeons! Awesome. I love this commercial!
7:05:30 – Cars.com – Maori warrior not always funny.
7:07 – Tide toGo’s talking stain reminds me of the funniest part of Bruce Almighty. Good concept, but they should have started slower then went for the crazy. Too much too soon made this commercial too long. Like this entry!

7:14 – Budweiser – Hank the Clydesdale. Does that make the dalmation “Mickey?”
7:14:30 – IRONMAN FTW!! “Yeah, I can fly…” I’m gonna love that movie. Robert Downey is Tony Stark.

Chris Hansen punts for the Patriots? Doesn’t he do that Predator thing with Dateline NBC?

7:18 – Toyota Corolla – Are badgers ferocious? Mushroom! Mushroom!
7:19 – Leatherheads movie. I’m not allowed to like this movie because Renee Zelweger is in it.
7:19:30 – Garmin w/ Napoleon. Cute car. Unremarkable commercial.

7:23 – CareerBuilder.com quitting Heart. W…T…F… Am I the only one who thought it weird that her heart came out of her boob?
7:24 – Sobe Life Water’s Thriller Lizards. W…T…F… part 2. Can we stop with the Thriller zombie dancing, please? A cool concept video, but will anybody remember the product?

Damn. This is a good defensive game. I like those. Double-sack, even from the shotgun.

7:28 – GMC Yukon Hybrid. Why are American car makers proud of 21MPG? Looks like Sisyphus finally made it.
7:29 – Bud Light foreign accent bar commercial – Not funny.

Tom Petty halftime show? Way to capture the pulse of American popular music, Fox. I say bring back Justin and Janet!

7:38 – Prince Caspian. Pretty, but I saw this trailer on the inkernet earlier today.
7:38:30 – Planters cashews – Hot unibrow chick. HAHAHA. I love cashews.
7:39 – T-Mobile w/ Charles Barkley. I love Charles Barkley, but this commercial is decidedly not turrible. Fans of Frank Calliendo will get it.

7:41 – Pepsi sucking Justin Timberlake. I’ll never get sick of seeing JT get racked in the nutsack by a mailbox.
7:42 – Doritos mousetrap. Laugh out loud funny! Totally didn’t see that one coming.

HALFTIME – Giants 3, Patriots 7.

7:55 – Geico Cavemen – It’s done, guys. Give it up.
7:56 – Acura MDX – Who cares except people already interested in it?

7:57 – The Sobe Life Water logo is prominent in the halftime discussion. That will help cement the lizard commercial with the product. One wouldn’t have worked without the other, IMHO.

8:02 – Constellation Energy – I’ve seen this already, right?
8:02:30 – NFL Network. Lost on me, but I don’t count I think. I’m not their audience.

Halftime Show:

In high-def, you can see that poor morbidly obese couple nearly get trampled by people trying to get to the stage.

Seriously, who thought Tom Petty would be a good artist for the Superbowl halftime show? I think he’s talented, sure, but he’s so wooden on stage. He might as well have a cardboard standee on stage in front of the microphone.

Now that I think about it, if I were one of those people in the field around the stage, I would grab a handful of sod and pocket it. I wonder what the field will look like when they’re done?

8:17 – Chevron Geothermal. Great. Now quit drilling for oil.
8:19 – Beatboxing McDonalds. Beatboxing is cool.
8:19:30 – Barack bought a Superbowl commercial? Yay!!

8:24 – SemiPro movie. Heh. I love Will Ferrel in a very unnatural way.

8:30 – Cars.com Plan B – Isn’t that the dude from Bones? Heh! Tiny head!
8:30:30 – Ting-Ting the panda for SalesGenie.com. Reminds me of TingTong from Little Britain.
8:31 – Shaq the Angry Viking for Vitamin water. The jockey smacking Shaq’s nuts was the funniest part.

8:34 – Bud Light with Cavemen. Wheel suck! Bottle opener suck! Heh. Beer suck!
8:35 – Carmen Elektra for Ice Breakers Ice Cubes. Dull.
8:35:30 – HAHA. Alice Cooper and Richard Simmons on a Bridgestone commercial. Why didn’t he hit Richard?
8:36 – Careerbuilder.com with the singing firefly. Very meh.

Side-note: Watched the GoDaddy.com commercial during the play challenge. So totally not worth it.

8:44 – Hyundai Genesis “Big Twist” commercial. Dumb.
8:44:30 – Pixar “Wall-E” – That’s not Tom Hanks, is it? It’s a cuter version of “Johnny Five.”

Ok, my DVR is pissing me off. The time delay between pressing the “pause” button and it actually pausing is about 30 seconds.

8:51 – Jumper movie. I really want to see this movie. Don’t tase me, Samuel L. Jackson!
8:51:30 – Investing baby for E*Trade. I don’t think anybody has ever thrown up on screen in a commercial, ever.
8:52 – Bud Light makes you fly. I still wouldn’t drink it, even if it made my breathe fire and fly.

9:01 – Chester the Oboe player for the NFL. Is that true? How cool!
9:03 – Wachovia Visa pennies (dollars) from heaven. Meh. The way the dollar is freefalling, people will be throwing away dollars like they do pennies before too long.

9:04 – Marilyn, Shakira, Madonna, for Sunsilk. I thought they discontinued this stuff. Better tell Heather.
9:05 – Stewie vs. Underdog for the Coke. Pretty amazing computer graphics. Finally Charlie Brown gets his. Anybody notice the little girl in the blue dress with the football? Looked like Lucy to me.

Giants 10, Patriots 7. Go Giants!

9:12 – James Carville and Bill Frist, best buds after a Coke. Makes me want to go to the National Gallery, not drink a Coke. As a bit of a wonk, I like this commercial!
9:13 – Toyota Sequoia covered in Big Wheels! Heh! That looks like fun.

9:15 – Zohan movie. HAHA. Finally an Adam Sandler movie I kinda want to see!

It’s 9:28, and Heather is upstairs being sick, so this liveblogging event comes to a close a bit early…

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I woke and, bleary eyed, stole a glance at her. She was still asleep, on her back, with her arm over her head, breathing slowly and quietly. I eased out of bed, sliding as silently as a cat across the cool satin sheets, and crept downstairs.

As my foot rested onto the first step, the staircase creaked slightly. I could hear her stir behind me. I was worried I would wake her and ruin it all, but I figured I could still work it out. I made it downstairs, fished the tiny lacquered box from my jacket pocket, and crept back up the stairs.

She had rolled onto her side and curled up against my pillow, her hand resting near where mine would have been. I transferred the box to my right hand, then soundlessly dropped it onto the floor. As I slid into bed next to her, she inhaled deeply and her eyes met mine. She reached for my hand and held it as she settled back into a comfortable sleeping position.

“We were married,” she said sleepily, going right into her dream without preamble. She told me about some minor drama we had regarding the wedding photos in the dream. I sat and listened with a slight smile on my face. She continued, slowly waking up.

When she was done, I kissed her. “You know, Heather, the problem with that dream is,” I turned over and retrieved the box. “You can’t get married before you’re engaged.” I opened the box.

Her mouth hung open as she stared at the ring. Bright and shiny white gold with a large white diamond sparkled in the morning sunlight. She looked at the ring and then to me, her face a mask of complete shock.

“Heather, will you marry me?”

She giggled, and her breath caught in her throat. “Yes… Oh, oh God, John, yes!” She was still frozen in shock, staring at the ring still in the box.

I pulled the ring out of the tiny hinged box. “Well, give me your hand!”

The day was so beautiful we decided to go out for a drive. We drove down to the local Roy Rogers for a burger, and thought we would go to the park, hang out on the swings and eat our lunch. As we pulled into the park, there was an old feller sitting on his Rascal scooter in the middle of the parking lot, staring at a group of kids on the swing set.

Crreeeeeepy.

We pull into the parking space, picking a nice shady spot, pull out our burgers, roll the windows down and start to much away.

“Excuse me,” I hear from over my shoulder. It’s the creepy old guy. He buzzed up to the car window and regarded me from behind his wraparound glasses. “Would you be willing to go to 7-11 for me and buy me a pack of Winstons in the red box?”

My first thought was to say ‘no’ to this old guy, until I started to imagine his poor dejected face, and the awkwardness of watching him roll away sadly. This little pissant boy in his hybrid car says no to me? I fought in Korea, goddammit – piece-o-shit won’t buy me cigarettes…

“Uh, s-sure. No problem,” I reply, putting my burger back in the bag and putting the car in reverse.

His club fist pats his hip. “I ain’t got no money, though…”

I smile. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll be right back.” I back out and wave cordially at the old guy.

“I’ll be waiting right here,” he calls weakly.

As we drive down the road, we pass a 7-11 on the right. “You have no intention of stopping, do you?” asks Heather.

“Nope!” I reply. “Creepy old guy probably isn’t allowed cigarettes anyway. I feel no more guilt in not buying him cigarettes as I would not buying a 14 year old cigarettes.”

“Good point,” says Heather.

This weekend, we’ve been blessed with absolute weather perfection. Breezy and sunny, with low humidity, high of about 71 degrees. SUCK IT, SAN DIEGO!

So, it’s Ren Fest again on Sunday, but today is Open-The-House-And-Get-All-The-Chores-Done day. I swear, sitting in my living room, and smelling the sweet smell of the pre-Fall air is just this side of heaven.

Today I hope to get the lawn mowed, do some laundry, maybe clean and organize my office a little bit better. I’d really like to fire up the grill and cook up something nice for dinner. I could really go for some Krampe-style fajitas right about now. That and a nice crisp Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc… mmmmm. Why is it that nice weather always gets me thinking about food?

This time of year, the XBox goes dark, I put my laptop down, and the iPod lies dormant. I eschew technology for at least one day every weekend, for the Maryland Renaissance Festival is upon us!

This past weekend was opening weekend, and Mother Nature decided that the East Coast had it easy, and dropped a big steaming high pressure system onto the Atlantic. You know the type – big red animated “H” on the weathermap with wavy red lines spinning clockwise and seemingly turning Washington D.C. into the Bahamas. Not in the cool-ocean-breezes and white sands kinda way. More like the deep in the jungle in long pants kinda way.

It was hotter than should be natural, but the Ren Fest opened anyway, much to the delight of Emergency Medical Technicians on site. I hear they had to revive several folks suffering from heat stroke. Heather and I, however, opted out of opening-day and went, instead, for the second day. We got up as early as our insomnia would let us, and tried to get in quickly, but last-minute errands ended up dogging us, and we were much later than we hoped. Still, it wasn’t too bad once we arrived. The sun hid behind clouds, and a nice cool breeze greeted us as we retrieved our season passes and made our way in to Revel Grove.

There were a couple of new vendors, but it was still the same old Ren Fest. What struck us as interesting was how much grass there was. A coworker reminded me that the grass gets destroyed in the first few weekends, and that we should enjoy it while we can.

I posted a few pictures on the Gallery. You should go check ‘em out.